i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
