i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
