He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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