just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
