was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
