You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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