is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
