sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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