happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How's work?
Spinning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
