just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
