he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
