think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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