listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
