have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
