you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
