My liver just broke up with me...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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