I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
