well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
