Your dad touched me again.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
50% drunk capacity currently
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
