Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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