is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
