So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
