I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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