you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
