I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
