Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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