That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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