Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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