You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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