do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
