i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
