I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
