I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
