My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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