if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
