Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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