am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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