im holly from the hills drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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