Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
