My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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