just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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