I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
