the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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