I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
