oh god the rape fog is back!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
