I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
