if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
