I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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