Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
