Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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